Disengage

You know that moment when you know- as you are making the decision- this one will affect the REST. OF. OUR. LIVES. We’re in one of those. I’ve been chasing the dream for a year now. Trying to provide for the family I so love. Trying to get us ahead of the game. However- all I’ve succeeded at is more turmoil and unrest. So now it’s time to take stock and disengage. I’m here to pledge to the world- but more importantly- my family- mommy is done trying to define herself outside the home.
To my four littles- God has given me one job in this life- to raise you up in his image. I’ve not been great at that- in fact the last year I have STUNK at it. I am going to be better at my God given position in life.
To my sweet hubs- I have stepped on your toes on so many occasions this past year. I have not listened to your concerns, I have put my agenda above yours. I have not trusted you and have not respected your place as the spiritual leader of our home. I am sorry. I will honor and obey you- submit to your authority. Most of all I will be more approachable and seek your council more appropriately.
To my God- I will listen closer to what you are saying to me. I will seek you out in your Word, and in Prayer. I will cleave to the position in life you have given me- and seek joy and fulfillment in purely that place in the home and in the world.
Lastly to the others in my life. I have been stingy this year. I haven’t been available to you all. I haven’t been able to serve as I’m used to doing. I have been busy, flaky, moody, just a general bore. That changes today.
My prayer today is that my heart will be ready to accept where God wants to put me. I’m torn down to the quick and this is where I will stay- silent and peaceful til God shows me where he needs me.
Love to you all!
Ash

What I Want My Daugther to Know….

I haven’t blogged in a while…well, I have- but I’ve blogged on my walk (awesomelyashleigh.wordpress.com) and the Boutique (forgetmenotboutiqueathome.com). What happens when you blog for a living? Your personal blog gets neglected haha!
Anyway- this Is a little re-blog….just because I want my daughter to know….

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My job as your mom, Rain, is to not just hope someone else will teach you this, or just hope you know it…but that I strive to teach you this everyday!

The Hunger Games Continued

A while back I had posted how the Hunger Games had taken my life hostage .  Why, I wondered, was I so captivated by this series?  Yeah sure, I have ripped through a few series in my time BUT  The Hunger Games has been different.  I have analyzed and thought and wondered and dreamed about these books on more than one occasion in the the short time since finishing them.  Today  think I may have stumbled upon my answer.  So in true Ash form, I wanted to shout it from the mountain tops!

The following exerpt is in NO WAY MY WRITING.  I do not wish to dishonor my self by passing it off as my brain child.  It would be a disservice to the actual author.  That said: HERE is the original link

Here is the copy/paste 🙂

So every teenage girl, it seems, wants to be Katniss.

I’m not surprised.  I would, too.

The Hunger Games is about culture, and more specifically, Katniss vs. Culture. And it’s our culture, of course, through the lens of caricature.

It’s our culture, and every teenage girl, it seems, would like to pick up a bow, and fire an arrow directly into the heart of it, and watch it die.

—–

In the books (I haven’t seen the movie, yet) Katniss is substance, and adult culture – embodied and enforced by the Capitol – is all about appearances. It’s mean, it’s selective, it’s heartless, it’s cruel, and it pits one-teen-against-the-other.

Katniss cares about her appearance, but not very much.  It’s the Capitol, the culture, that cares very much, foisting makeup and fashion experts upon her, each charged with making her understand how important outward beauty is to her survival. They convince her: Change, and change outwardly, and extremely… or you will not survive.

Katniss has romantic feelings, but they don’t control her story. It’s the Capitol, the culture, that wants romance to control her story, to define her, and give her meaning.

Katniss wants to protect her younger sister from this culture. No girl, she thinks, should be drawn into this, but certainly not one so young. But to her horror, the Capitol, the culture, wants to draw in the youngest, the pre-teen, girl.

Katniss wants to provide for her family, in the absence of her father. The Capitol, effectively, took her father from her, through his work. Forced to work in mines, he was killed in an explosion.

Katniss wishes she didn’t need to hunt, but she is willing to do what it takes to make it work. The Capitol, the culture, literally sets up barriers to stop her.

Katniss finds a boy/man who is flawed, but self-sacrificing, protective, warm, and committed to not being changed by the culture. He will not, he says, become a self-seeking “monster.” The Capitol, the culture, is patronizingly charmed by that… as it is fully committed to changing him into a self-seeking monster.

Katniss knows truth matters. She’s no philosopher, but she knows loyalty matters. She knows sacrificing for the vulnerable matters. She knows there is such a thing as Good, even if she can’t articulate it. The Capitol, the culture, tries to convince her otherwise.

Katniss loves her family. The Capitol finds that quaint, and valuable only in that it adds to an entertaining storyline, since amusement is, of course, the ultimate goal. And a human, a teenage girl, only has value to the extent the Capitol, our culture, is attracted to her.

No wonder Katniss wants to kill it.

And millions of teenage girls want to help her.

 

Original Post is courtesy of Air 1’s Brant Hansen

 

PERFECT!

When beautiful Rain was born 11 years ago, what I knew I wanted to impart to her most is a solid sense of self.  While I know that the only true way to achieve that is through a good relationship with her Savior, I do feel there are a few tools I can provide her with on her walk.  In the past few years, our paths have taken on vastly different courses.  I am a GIRLY GIRL to the hilt, and she is NOT.   I’ve had to learn that its not my place to choose what to support her in, just to support her in what she deems worthy.  Right now; soccer and hockey are what she deems worthy. Sure I wanted it to be dance or acting, but its not my life she’s living…it’s hers.

Rain loved these books too, you can read more about that HERE.  She too is obsessed, and I believe we are experiencing our first bout of superstar crush.  But more importantly, she loves Katniss and can connect with her on a deep level.  After reading Brants post, I’m inclined to say HELL YEAH!  Rain you can have that kind of a superhero any day.  I don’t know how it’s happened, but somehow, what I’ve wanted to impart the most to her is exactly what she’s showing me is important to her too.  Funny how just when you think you’re lost, your FOUND.

 

Update on Diversity Means

Late last year, I posted about Rain’s Reflections Contest, here’s the update….

They had an Council Awards Night earlier this week.  Keep in mind, she progressed from school level to this next level.  This Awards night was much more formal.  They had state PTA representatives and children from several area schools, blah blah blah etcetera etcetera etcetera.  Once the gravity of the event settled on me, I got nervous.  I quickly began studying the boxes on the far end of the stage, trying to find Rain’s entry in the decrepit losers forgotten and left for better days.  My heart soared as my snoopy eyes did not reveal my darling daughters prized entry.

I took pics enough to embarrass my pre-teen then took my seat as they dimmed the lights and began the presentation.  There I sat with my best benign smile pasted upon my face, camera set and ready in one hand and phone set to record poised in the other hand….anxiously awaiting for Rain’s name to appear there in lights.  It never did.

As the lights came up my heart sank, my eyes filled with tears.  Sometimes when your kids fail, the failure is harder on you.

I gathered Rain in the best, most supportive Mom hug I could muster and kissed her head as tears again took my eyes hostage.  And whispered (cuz I could speak no louder than that) I’m proud of you just because you tried.  Rain was disappointed that night but so was I.

My life lesson I learned was this; even when the odds are stacked against them, it’s important to let your kids try out their wings.  Otherwise they’ll never know how high they can fly.

Until next brag….

McMommy