Disengage

You know that moment when you know- as you are making the decision- this one will affect the REST. OF. OUR. LIVES. We’re in one of those. I’ve been chasing the dream for a year now. Trying to provide for the family I so love. Trying to get us ahead of the game. However- all I’ve succeeded at is more turmoil and unrest. So now it’s time to take stock and disengage. I’m here to pledge to the world- but more importantly- my family- mommy is done trying to define herself outside the home.
To my four littles- God has given me one job in this life- to raise you up in his image. I’ve not been great at that- in fact the last year I have STUNK at it. I am going to be better at my God given position in life.
To my sweet hubs- I have stepped on your toes on so many occasions this past year. I have not listened to your concerns, I have put my agenda above yours. I have not trusted you and have not respected your place as the spiritual leader of our home. I am sorry. I will honor and obey you- submit to your authority. Most of all I will be more approachable and seek your council more appropriately.
To my God- I will listen closer to what you are saying to me. I will seek you out in your Word, and in Prayer. I will cleave to the position in life you have given me- and seek joy and fulfillment in purely that place in the home and in the world.
Lastly to the others in my life. I have been stingy this year. I haven’t been available to you all. I haven’t been able to serve as I’m used to doing. I have been busy, flaky, moody, just a general bore. That changes today.
My prayer today is that my heart will be ready to accept where God wants to put me. I’m torn down to the quick and this is where I will stay- silent and peaceful til God shows me where he needs me.
Love to you all!
Ash

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